Thursday, September 30, 2010

It's Not Death, It's Only Cake

Which is one of the most awesome things a judge on Top Chef (or, in this case, Top Chef Just Desserts) has ever said. Sylvia Weinstock, who is a wedding cake maven, apparently, was a guest judge last night, and one of the contestants was getting sniffly (as opposed to last week's full-out breakdown by a different contestant--a breakdown that involved weeping and sobbing, "The red hots were for my mommy") because her wedding cake kept getting worse and worse. It was difficult to watch, because I've had that sensation, where every single thing you do doesn't just not help or not work, it actively makes things a whole quantum level worse. In her case, the cake basically started to fall off the cake stand as she stood there. And Sylvia was tactful, and gracious, and very nice to her, and she also reminded the contestant that hey, it's only cake.

So I think I need to embroider that on a sampler or something, especially as things at work continue to get weird. The new person is apparently going to be making Large Changes, though not all of them have been revealed yet, and s/he's doing a number of things that I suspect are likely to fail, and s/he is definitely listening to some of the wrong people. But you know what? It's another thing about which I can do nothing, so I'm trying to keep my head down, stay calm, do my work and find another job. What the fuck else can I do?

Yes, it's very disappointing, because I like the organization, in large part, and I like the work well enough, and I feel like I'm doing something useful. It's not my life's work or anything, though, and I'm waiting to see how a few things play out (e.g., will my boss lose his/her job? betting says yes), and I'm absolutely not jumping (will I be pushed? hard to say for sure) into just anything. But.

And, of course, it has been unpleasant since I returned from vacation. It's clear that we've been maligned--in some cases, by people with whom we work closely--and it's looking like, if the boss goes, some of the people who have been doing the maligning will be my/our new overlords. But unless the lottery comes through for me, or a new job does, they'll be my overlords and I will need to obey them.

In any case, Sylvia's comments made me think of a running conversation that K. and I have been having (for nearly 25 years . . .). She, like me, buried a sibling (though she was much younger than I was when it occurred). We have realized that, even all these years later, we have a tendency, when things are really shitty, to say, well, nobody died. Both of us being relatively strong people (and I do not pretend to know the direction of the causal arrows on that), that realization is a shorthand for put your grownup pants on and deal with it. And, really, that is a useful bit of perspective.

On the other hand, we have decided recently that we probably need a spectrum of good and bad that is more than binary: somebody died = bad; nobody died = not bad. There really are more gradations than that. For example, when Chuck was basically having a breakdown? That completely sucked, for both of us, and especially for him, in oh-so-many ways. There wasn't a single fucking thing about that whole hot mess that was good at the time. (Yes, sure, in retrospect, he has gotten the help he needs--and is doing quite well; I had lunch with him and CK on Saturday--and so on, but at the time? Awful. As I'm sure you all remember, and you didn't read about more than about 25% of it.)

So, now, at work, I find myself being the calm one. Well, more or less. But in general, I've been the Voice of Reason and Calm, or one of them, anyway, and I find myself thinking, yeah, this sucks, but not only did nobody die, this isn't nearly as terrible as about six other times in my life. Possibly it's age at work, too; when you get to be an old broad like me, especially when you've done the kind of shit I've done, you kinda figure something shitty will happen, and you'll have to do something about it, or get through it, or . . . something. But there's no point in worrying too much about it, because what good will worrying do? Oh; right; none.

So, dinner tomorrow night, then off to Farm Aid on Saturday (back Saturday night), and possibly some cooking over the weekend. At the moment I have two batches of graham crackers in the kitchen--for one thing, I'm trying to find a version of the recipe that I really like. It tastes fine, but is missing something. One of the original recipes called for molasses, and that was fine, but very strong molasses flavor, which I like but not everyone does. So I swapped out some of the molasses for honey, and that works well enough, too, but it's still not quite right. The next attempt will include some malted barley sugar, I think; see what that does for the flavor. The reality is, I have a huge wad of leftover ganache from last week's bake sale, so I'm going to be making graham crackers until I run out of ganache. Yeah, I know, another tragedy. But nobody died.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Currying Favor Eggplant

This particular recipe is from Moosewood's New Classics cookbook, and I've (of course) made changes, as noted.

2 cups of chopped onions (I probably used closer to 4, because I have a bunch of onions)
2 tblp vegetable oil (no idea how much I used)
2 large garlic cloves (okay, more like five or six)
1 fresh chile, minced and seeded (left it out because I don't have any)
1 tblsp grated fresh ginger (probably more than that, maybe double)
the spices (I used approximately these amounts)
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cardomom
1 tsp salt
generous pinch saffron

1 cup orange juice (didn't have any, so used the juice of a lemon in the fridge, plus a splash of orange extract, plus some honey; didn't measure anything)

5 cups cubed eggplant (I had roasted the eggplant already, several days ago: cut in half lengthwise, put face down on parchment, oiled lightly, and baked for awhile; I might have had a little more or less than 5 cups of the cooked stuff)
4 cups zucchini (didn't have any)
1.5 cups bell peppers (I never include these)
3 cups diced fresh or canned tomatos (I used a can of Muir Glen tomatos)
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil (I used some pesto I had in the freezer)

I also added a handful of beet greens that was too small an amount to freeze on its own, plus about a cup of frozen spinach sitting in the freezer.

I did the onions, then added the garlic and ginger, then the spices, then the eggplant. What mostly appealed to me was the spices, plus making use of the eggplant. I like to roast or bake eggplant before adding it to a recipe--and, when I'm feeling really ambitious, I salt it first and then rinse it, to draw out some of the water. Zucchini would have been nice, or more eggplant, but the whole thing is quite tasty. I've been eating it with one of the wheat rolls I made last weekend when testing the Cooks Illustrated recipe.

This week's cooking adventure will include turnips, plus maybe their greens, and, separately, a big summer squash (I don't remember what type) that one of my coworkers is going to share with me. (We have been trading tales of our CSA shares over the summer, and, in general, discuss cooking and baking quite a lot.)

Meanwhile, speaking of work, lots of shit going down; as John Fogerty noted, there's a bad moon on the rise. No, really; seriously unpleasant shit. And, for once, I'm one of the calmer ones. The reality is, I can't afford not to be (and I don't think I'm in immediate danger). I have some suspicions about how the new powers that be are going to rearrnage my job, because of what they think I should be doing. Of course, if my suspicions are correct, they're going to take away the things I like most and do best and I'll keep the really boring parts and add some more of that. I can't afford to have an opinion about that, though. Remember that part where I gave all my savings to a bank? Yeah. That. Which means I'll do what I can and what I have to do, and I still won't be lugging 50-pound sacks of flour.

I'm reminded of John LeCarre's "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy." The beauty of the whole plot was how the spy basically managed to turn the whole place inside out. The people who were right were shoved out the door, or made to seem wrong or discredited. In my case, if stuff happens the way I expect it will, the powers that be will be taking exactly the steps needed to fail, and fail big. Fun times.

So, really, I think I need to move up that "win the lottery" plan and implement that immediately.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Produce

I keep thinking that I didn't do anything today, by which I apparently mean that I didn't work out, because I surely did a bunch of crap. Friend headed off to Cheeseland early this morning for a football game. There had been talk of me going along, but a ticket for me never showed up, and it looked like it was going to be cold and rainy, and I have a lot of crap to get done, so we went to breakfast and then he dropped me at an el station and went on his way. I went to the farmers market and got another 10 pounds of blueberries, five bunches of beets, some cippolini onions, and some garlic, and I swung by my old grocery store to get freezer bags, butter, eggs, and cream.

There's a bake sale on Wednesday, and I'm expected to contribute a bunch of stuff, which is fine. But I'm having a Procedure done on Tuesday (a LEEP), so, even though I'll be home afterwards, I didn't want to leave everything until then. I made the dough for the lemon tarts and the dough for the graham crackers; tomorrow I'll bake them off and make the ganache for the smores. That will leave me to make lemon curd, meringue, and some molasses muffins on Tuesday, which I should be able to bang out quickly.

In addition to freezing the blueberries today, I roasted the beets, then sliced and portioned and froze them; washed the beet greens and then chopped and portioned and froze those; and made an Indian ratatouille from a Moosewood cookbook that enabled me to use up the eggplant I roasted earlier in the week, as well as some onions, a handful of beet greens, a chunk of pesto, and a small chunk of frozen spinach sitting around in the freezer. It came out really well--it's very tasty, though, as it sat, it became more brownish; it had some nice bright color when it was first done. That will get portioned into lunch-size bits tomorrow; I just ran out of steam on that one.

Things at work are getting unpleasant. The new person (my boss's new boss) seems like s/he might be okay, maybe, but maybe not. Basically, there are people who seem to be trying to get rid of my boss, and I can't tell the origin of the actions or even what all of them are. This is not an ideal situation. And, of course, if there's unsettledness, everyone's job could be up for grabs, too. So, filling my freezer with food is a way to deal with that particular anxiety.

Meanwhile, last night Friend and I went to Wrigley Field to see Dave Matthews Band. As always, DMB was fun to listen to, but, even more than usual, the crowd was fratalicious. And sororitastic, for that matter. The constant chatter is annoying, but even more strange, at least to me, is the number of people who spend the whole night interacting with electronic devices rather than with the musical performance in front of them. I suppose i shouldn't be surprised, given the general vapidity of that particular audience.

So, in short: not much sleep; lots of hauling of produce and then cooking and/or freezing said produce; not a workout, per se, but not exactly the sitting on my ass plan, either.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

In Which I Do Stuff

none of which is terribly interesting.

Although my neighborhood has its contingent of old crunchy-granola types like myself, there hasn’t been a city farmers’ market in the neighborhood until this year. (The city has markets in a whole lot of neighborhoods, and many accept food stamps.) The local market is on Sunday, and I’m not always around, so I didn’t get to it until today. It’s pretty modest--only a block long, on one side of the street--but the bakery is doing this market, as is the cheesemonger who also works the market near where I lived downtown. After putting a starter for some wheat bread on the counter and watching the Formula 1 race, I wandered over; I wanted to freeze a whole bunch of blueberries for use in my morning oatmeal. Did I limit myself to said blueberries? Take a guess.

My haul for today:
*about 10 pounds of blueberries
*two jars of Sun-Gold tomato jam
*one jar of strawberry-raspberry jam (both jams from the CSA that delivers my produce)
*two kinds of cheese--a parmesan-type cheese that had been soaked in raspberry ale, and a sheep and cow’s milk cheese that’s pretty wonderful--to bring the total to about 10 kinds in my fridge right now
*two loaves of pretzel bread from the bakery, most of which was cut into serving-size pieces and frozen

The bread dough is rising (this recipe, back to which I’ll return in a second, requires three risings) and I’m nearly done freezing the blueberries (I’m IQFing them). I have some others in the freezer that I need to use, but I have been less than pleased with their quality; they’re from Whole Paycheck, and I think they’re imported from China.

Which brings me to my next rant.

I had a 20%-off-everything coupon from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and decided to stock up on some things that I need, plus a few things that Friend is missing from his kitchen. (In my opinion they’re missing--he can fibrillate for, oh, years, over a simple $7 kitchen implement, which, when I’m cooking there, drives me batshit. In a good-humored way, I might add, but I took the cheese grater into my own hands.) When I got home and unpackaged the stuff, I confirmed what I suspected when I was shopping: Every. Single. Thing. was made in China. And last night, when I was making some frozen broccoli for dinner? Also from China (the Whole Paycheck store brand organic, IIRC).

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t have anything against China as a nation or against people who live in China. But we have millions of people in this country out of work, and family farms are struggling. Yeah, sure, I know that people will stock up on stuff at the place that makes the Waltons wealthy, and, more important, I know that there are quite a few people who can’t afford to be shopping at Whole Paycheck--or anywhere that isn’t a resale shop or a food bank. But at some point, people who can afford to do so have to put at least some of their money where their livelihoods are. (I insist on the afford to do so part, and I am not going to decide who falls into that category for other people; I’m admonishing myself, and myself only.)

And there IS stuff out there--I just asked the Google. Yes, it’s not from my usual online retailers (I do nearly all of my clothes shopping online, because I loathe brick-and-mortar stores). But it’s time to suck it up and commit to buying at least a percentage of my clothing from retailers who make their stuff in this country. Food is a little easier, especially w/ the farm share this year (though I have not received produce in quantities that enable me to freeze anything).

Anyway, the bread recipe. I’m on the Cooks Illustrated mailing list to test recipes, and I glanced at this one, saw it had a biga and a soaker, and thought it might be good to test. Of COURSE I made a couple of changes--I replaced some of the wheat flour with wheat bran, I used 2% milk instead of whole, I ended up adding a splash more milk (probably because of the wheat bran), and I’m going to make rolls rather than a loaf, because rolls are more useful for me. It’s a pretty simple recipe, though the 8-24 hours during which the biga and the soaker sit, plus three risings, require a time commitment and some organization. We’ll see if I like it; I can’t imagine why not.

The other thing I noticed again today is just how cluttered my apartment is. Some of it is because I am . . . not the neatest person in the world. That’s hard-wired; it’s not going to change a whole lot. But part of it is that I am still (!!) settling into this place. I need to buy some more furniture; hang pictures; figure out where stuff goes; get containers for various types of stuff (hello, recycling pile; you need to be in a bin please); and just arrange things in a pleasing and convenient fashion. Obviously these tasks are interconnected: I can’t dismantle the recycling pile until I have a container in which to put it.

Overall, though, I think I need a MasterList, because what I find myself doing is making multiple mental lists, together with ruminating on how to solve this or that storage or furniture issue, but I’m not actually prioritizing, pricing, etc. So, really, nothing much is getting done. On the other hand, by waiting, I’m able to move things around some, reorganize what I have, and better determine what I really want. Still, the MasterList needs to become a priority.

The other priority is getting into some kind of half-assed shape. The sample weight-training classes were useful, but the place itself is wildly inconvenient and the prices are pretty high, so that’s not going to be the solution. But eating whatever crosses my path, coupled with no workout program at all, turns out not to be a useful strategy either, if the goal is to fit into the clothes I own.

ETA: Just stumbled across this tonight. Says it better than I did.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Back Now

Well, yes, and so.

I got back yesterday from a whirlwind vacation: I left here a week ago Thursday, and, in the intervening days, managed to spend two in Cincinnati, four with my parents (more or less), an afternoon of that time in Philadelphia, seeing various historical-type stuff, and a night in Cleveland. The things seen include:
*downtown Cincinnati (the riverfront, where the ballpark is, though we didn’t actually see a game)
*my older nephew’s first football game of the year (he played every down except the kickoffs and kickoff returns)
*the Martin Guitar factory
*in Philadelphia, Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, the Maxfield Parrish mural (done by the Tiffany studios) in the lobby of the Curtis Building, Elfreth’s Alley, Jim’s Steaks, Famous 4th Street Deli, and a cool little bar/restaurant in Northern Liberties
*the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, including, most importantly, the Springsteen exhibit
the Great Lakes Brewing Company’s brewpub, and
*a bit of Oberlin (yes, my alma mater)
All in all, quite fun.

My parents are doing pretty well--they’re about to try another round of some other kind of chemo on my dad, but he’s nearly tapered off the steroids. One of the more amusing moments was watching my mom decide that, oh, okay, she’ll go ahead a buy a new iMac (she has never used the Apple OS before). Her 4-year-old (windowsbox) computer had apparently gotten appallingly slow and creaky, and various people over the years have recommended Macs, but she was on a cruise once with a bunch of Apple devotees, and she vowed never to join the club.

So we all wandered over to the Apple store on Monday, and she poked around, and she looked, and we talked to the salesguy, and she finally said, okay, and walked out with a new computer. She set it up, with some direction and guidance, but one of the beauties of the OS really is its simplicity; after being shown a few things--and saying, oh, I’ll never be able to do this--she promptly started messing around with it. By the time we left three days later, she had figured out how to use three additional applications on her own. She also signed up for a year’s worth of one-on-one training, plus they’ll transfer all her files from the windowsbox, all for about a hundred dollars. I think that will be well worth the money.

But it’s nice to be back home today, even if apparently things at work were mostly big piles of shit hitting industrial-strength fans. (My boss actually emailed and called me, in a panic, and with many apologies about interrupting my vacation; Boss is generally quite good about respecting that boundary, so you know it had to be serious.) I went to a condo board meeting this morning, mostly to educate myself; I started moving winter and summer clothes between the closets; I think I attached my DVD recorder properly; and I caught up with some financial stuff, but otherwise I’ve been sitting around doing a lot of nothing. Which feels mighty fine, I might add. There are a handful of things I probably should do, and I may get to a few of them, but it feels good to just sit here.