For the second year in a row, the wheat cookies were the big hit--the cookie that caused the most spontaneous comments. Go figure. They do have a nice flavor, but they're not that amazing. Then again, people like what they like, and that's two years' worth of "like," so I'll have to concede on this one. My sourdough starter is bubbling away--I think I'll bake today with it, and then refrigerate it (it's been out on the counter). Otherwise, it needs feeding twice a day and you have to toss or bake with what you remove. I've noticed that the aroma has improved over the past few days; it's breadier, somehow, and not as pungently sour as it was at first.
Today's bread was the best yet, so yay. I froze three of the four loaves (batard-size, more or less), so I'll have bread to eat with my various soups. So: lettuce soup. Well, I sincerely doubt I would go buy lettuce to make into soup, but it's edible. I used all of the lettuce I had, plus onions, garlic, and potatos, and I blended it, so it's a chunky puree, and then I froze it in portions. When I reheat, some cheese or even some mascarpone or cream cheese or cream would probably help, and, with a hunk of bread, it'll make a meal.
I also made soup out of the large turnips and some carrots (added onions, garlic, ginger, spices, orange rind, and apple juice), and pureed that, too, then added a little honey. And I blanched and froze all the spinach.
The orange rind went in because I bought three oranges the other day to make the icing for the wheat cookies. One probably would have been sufficient, but whatevs; I grated the rind off all three oranges, then juiced them. I had way more juice and rind than I needed, so I froze the juice into cubes (so I can pull out only what I need), and I dumped the rind into the aforementioned soup.
I am so tiired . . . in the past four days I have made a double batch of barley cookies; wheat cookies with orange icing; two batches of banana clove muffins; three batches of sourdough bread--no, wait, four, I think?, whole wheat monkey buns, lettuce soup (10 servings). and carrot and turnip soup (10 servings). In addition, I cubed, roasted, and froze four butternut squash and an acorn squash, and I blanched and froze three bags of spinach.
I still have Hakurei turnips (and I"m getting more tomorrow), tatsoi greens, three or four heads of cabbage, a bag of radishes I don't know how I'll use, two heads of bok choi, a couple of leeks, some kale, and another butternut. Tomorrow, in addition to the turnips, I'm getting more lettuce (o joy), beets, leeks, and some greens, I think. Frankly, what with all of my flour and my sourdough starter and the bread that will result from combining the two, I have lunches for a couple of months, which pleases me. Friend didn't kill Bambi's grandfather this year--he got a doe for his mom, but only saw little bucks, and had decided to hold off unless he saw something big. He has plenty of venison in the freezer, so we won't lack for meat despite him not bringing one back this year.
The task for the coming week is to set up a daily schedule for myself. It is way too easy to fall into bad habits, and I want to use this time a little productively. But that's not a task I can do now.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Cookie Mania
The kitchen marathon continues . . . Thursday I only managed to make a loaf of sourdough, a batch of banana-clove mini muffins (half of which are just this side of burnt, which means I had to make another batch, as they're for tonight's beer event), a batch of whole wheat monkey buns with cranberries and dates (an experiment that worked reasonably well but needs some work), and two cubed, roasted butternut squash. Then my downstairs neighbor showed up with a bottle of wine around noon, and that was it for my productivity for the day. Which, fine; good conversation is always welcome, and I sent her off with the remainder of the monkey buns as she was going to a dinner with friends.
Firday I made two more loaves of sourdough and a double batch of barley cookie dough (it's supposed to be refrigerated overnight).The second batch of banana clove muffins got done, and I cubed, roasted, and froze two more butternut squash, along with an acorn squash. This morning I baked the barley cookies, plus a batch of wheat cookies (which got an orange glaze, a la wheat beer), and I have three loaves of sourdough cooling on the counter. The sourdough is akin to a lambic beer, because lambic beer is made with wild yeast, as is sourdough. I put some cranberries in it, too, as one might do with a lambic. I contemplated something chocolate or mocha, to get the porters and stouts in there--possibly even dipping the barley cookies in chocolate halfway--but then my ambition failed me. I'll be happy if I manage to work out.
I still need to make lettuce soup, curried carrot turnip soup, and maybe some potato leek soup and/or some gnocchi (I have leeks about which I keep forgetting, and I have a buttload of potatos). I keep thinking I should get up and roast the turnips for the soup, but then inertia pins me to the chair and the thought passes. (Roasting veggies gives them such a nice flavor.) None of this will get done today, but those cooking activities will use nearly everything in the fridge except some cabbage (which will keep), some bok choi (which I might take to work for one of my coworkers), and some celery leaves and parsley. I'll also have a full freezer, so yay for that; there's something a bit comforting about entering a period of unemployment with a freezer full of food. Between that and all of the flour I have, I could probably avoid buying groceries for a couple of months, other than dairy products. And I need to stock up on some canned goods, too--tomatos, mostly--but will wait until Friend is around with his vehicle for that.
I know that, ultimately, I need a winning lottery ticket or a job, but every little bit probably helps--psychologically as much as anything. Meanwhile, though, it's time to put this post to bed rather than continuing to tinker and needing to update.
Firday I made two more loaves of sourdough and a double batch of barley cookie dough (it's supposed to be refrigerated overnight).The second batch of banana clove muffins got done, and I cubed, roasted, and froze two more butternut squash, along with an acorn squash. This morning I baked the barley cookies, plus a batch of wheat cookies (which got an orange glaze, a la wheat beer), and I have three loaves of sourdough cooling on the counter. The sourdough is akin to a lambic beer, because lambic beer is made with wild yeast, as is sourdough. I put some cranberries in it, too, as one might do with a lambic. I contemplated something chocolate or mocha, to get the porters and stouts in there--possibly even dipping the barley cookies in chocolate halfway--but then my ambition failed me. I'll be happy if I manage to work out.
I still need to make lettuce soup, curried carrot turnip soup, and maybe some potato leek soup and/or some gnocchi (I have leeks about which I keep forgetting, and I have a buttload of potatos). I keep thinking I should get up and roast the turnips for the soup, but then inertia pins me to the chair and the thought passes. (Roasting veggies gives them such a nice flavor.) None of this will get done today, but those cooking activities will use nearly everything in the fridge except some cabbage (which will keep), some bok choi (which I might take to work for one of my coworkers), and some celery leaves and parsley. I'll also have a full freezer, so yay for that; there's something a bit comforting about entering a period of unemployment with a freezer full of food. Between that and all of the flour I have, I could probably avoid buying groceries for a couple of months, other than dairy products. And I need to stock up on some canned goods, too--tomatos, mostly--but will wait until Friend is around with his vehicle for that.
I know that, ultimately, I need a winning lottery ticket or a job, but every little bit probably helps--psychologically as much as anything. Meanwhile, though, it's time to put this post to bed rather than continuing to tinker and needing to update.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Walls and No Bridges
One of the things that has been absolutely fascinating to me through the past two weeks or so--since the whole Narya's-Leaving thing became public--is that people have had such a variety of reactions to my impending departure. Other times in my life the events were "inside" me--I was going through a lot of turmoil of one kind or another, and those emotions overwhelmed my ability to truly pay attention to or be present for other people's responses. This time, though, I'm not feeling as overwhelmed, and as a result I can read the environment and other people much bettter, or I'm more open to what other people are going through, or something.
Several people are really quite upset--they regard this as more decimation of the staff in our portion of the program. One administrative person with whom I work is really quite upset; s/he said, "but you're the brains of the operation!" No amount of reassurance that it will be fine has any effect on his/her reactions. Several others have expressed similar sentiments, which surprised me--I really didn't think people were all that aware of what I do, much less that they thought that highly of it. So that has been quite touching, really.
The people I've worked with most closely for the past year--the other senior manager types--are somewhat varied in their reactions. One person tried to get as much out of my brain as possible . . . and then left town last week, not to return until after I'm gone. I don't think that person learned enough, but (wait for it . . .) not my problem either way. A second person is going to introduce me to people in other organizations who might be able to make use of my skills, which is really quite helpful, and has expressed a desire to be friends with me (we've already done some things together outside of work, so that's actually a possibility, and I like this person a lot). A third person wants me to write things down, and I did some of that, but basically this person wants things handed out on silver platters and, well, not so much.
The boss invited me to meet with him/her for a break next week, a while before the goodbye party starts (I'm "crashing" the goodbye party for someone else whose last day is the same as mine), which, on one hand, I think is just bizarre--this person just FIRED me, fer chrissakes! We can dress up that pig and put diplomatic language in its mouth, but seriously? The thing is, I think the boss actually likes me quite a bit, so it's not completely insane, and, for another, I wouldn't dream of missing it--I cannot wait to see what s/he has to say. Much to the dismay of various friends and family members, all of whom regard me as too nice and/or too trusting, I actually like the boss, too.
And that's been interesting, too. The objectivity I've been able to maintain enables me to see both why the boss is doing this and why it's a big damn mistake. As I have said repeatedly, the senior team around the boss has worked together for more than a decade, and they are only interested in each other, only trust each other. They practically have a secret language. There are different standards of behavior for the "in" group versus everyone else. There is an unwillingness to share, and a refusal to recognize how they keep others out. The difficulties are masked by their history of success--but I think that what has worked in the past will not necessarily work in the future for them. They speak the language of Change and New, but they absolutely refuse to embrace it on any deep level. Which, hey, might work for them.
On Sunday after my yoga class I ran into someone who has worked with the senior team for a long time, and s/he had absolutely nothing good to say about them (and was more harsh than I would be, to tell you the truth). S/he basically congratulated me on "getting out," and offered to provide me with a reference any time, for anybody, which was a bit of a surprise. S/he ticked off all the things I had noticed myself (with no prompting from me, mind you), except with an extra helping of bitterness.
So, basically, I was doomed, from the beginning. And, on one hand, the boss has the right to put together the team that s/he thinks will best serve what s/he thinks the needs of the organization are--and if s/he doesn't think I help with that, then of course s/he absolutely positively should get rid of me, and the manner in which that has occurred has been reasonably respectful and . . . I don't know, not traumatic?, as possible, under the circumstances.
The fly in this particular ointment, however, at least in my opinion, is that the very difficulties I've identified point not to weaknesses on my part (which is not to say that I don't have weaknesses), but to weaknesses of the whole approach, the closed-team (with lots of language about how it's an "open" team) approach. The boss and, thus, the team, do not let others in, which means there are whole worlds of information they don't have. That was less of an issue before, when their areas of specialty were also the areas on which their part of the organization focused. Now, though, there's a huge other area, and they do not possess nearly as much knowledge or expertise, but they think they do. So, frankly, either they'll figure it out or they won't, but they'll have to do it without someone who actually knows a fair amount about it, in addition to possessing other potentially useful skills.
Back to the original point, and I do have one: it's been fascinating seeing and hearing people's reaction to this whole thing. The details in the previous four paragraphs are, by and large, unavailable to the vast majority of people--but they nevertheless have sensed them and comment on them. I don't confirm or deny--I stick to the script--but I'm fascinated how much people have picked up without my saying a word or lifting an eyebrow.
But, as Arlo Guthrie once said, that's not what i came here to talk about. (As an aside, I make it a point to listen to the Thanksgiving playing of "Alice's Restaurant" by my local radio station.) What I came here to discuss, and I probably should have put it in a whole separate post, is the Wall of Vegetables in my refrigerator. And on my counter. And in my closet. Seriously.
I have five butternut squash (two others have already been roasted and frozen), an acorn squash, four cabbages, four bags of potatos, several bags of turnips, five pounds of carrots, a fuckton of lettuce (which is going to become soup, I think), celery leaves and parsley, onions, garlic, radishes, two or three bags of spinach, some kale, and . . . more stuff? I know I'm forgetting things. I need to get through as much of it as possible this week. The potatos will keep for awhile, as would some of the other stuff, but it's easy enough to hack up the squash and roast it while I do other things.
The other task of Thursday and Friday is baking, because I'm doing the cookies to accompany the beer samples on Saturday, but that will require a different discussion. And, despite my understandable and nearly complete lack of motivation, not to mention lack of desire to show up early to work, I do have to make an appearance tomorrow.
Several people are really quite upset--they regard this as more decimation of the staff in our portion of the program. One administrative person with whom I work is really quite upset; s/he said, "but you're the brains of the operation!" No amount of reassurance that it will be fine has any effect on his/her reactions. Several others have expressed similar sentiments, which surprised me--I really didn't think people were all that aware of what I do, much less that they thought that highly of it. So that has been quite touching, really.
The people I've worked with most closely for the past year--the other senior manager types--are somewhat varied in their reactions. One person tried to get as much out of my brain as possible . . . and then left town last week, not to return until after I'm gone. I don't think that person learned enough, but (wait for it . . .) not my problem either way. A second person is going to introduce me to people in other organizations who might be able to make use of my skills, which is really quite helpful, and has expressed a desire to be friends with me (we've already done some things together outside of work, so that's actually a possibility, and I like this person a lot). A third person wants me to write things down, and I did some of that, but basically this person wants things handed out on silver platters and, well, not so much.
The boss invited me to meet with him/her for a break next week, a while before the goodbye party starts (I'm "crashing" the goodbye party for someone else whose last day is the same as mine), which, on one hand, I think is just bizarre--this person just FIRED me, fer chrissakes! We can dress up that pig and put diplomatic language in its mouth, but seriously? The thing is, I think the boss actually likes me quite a bit, so it's not completely insane, and, for another, I wouldn't dream of missing it--I cannot wait to see what s/he has to say. Much to the dismay of various friends and family members, all of whom regard me as too nice and/or too trusting, I actually like the boss, too.
And that's been interesting, too. The objectivity I've been able to maintain enables me to see both why the boss is doing this and why it's a big damn mistake. As I have said repeatedly, the senior team around the boss has worked together for more than a decade, and they are only interested in each other, only trust each other. They practically have a secret language. There are different standards of behavior for the "in" group versus everyone else. There is an unwillingness to share, and a refusal to recognize how they keep others out. The difficulties are masked by their history of success--but I think that what has worked in the past will not necessarily work in the future for them. They speak the language of Change and New, but they absolutely refuse to embrace it on any deep level. Which, hey, might work for them.
On Sunday after my yoga class I ran into someone who has worked with the senior team for a long time, and s/he had absolutely nothing good to say about them (and was more harsh than I would be, to tell you the truth). S/he basically congratulated me on "getting out," and offered to provide me with a reference any time, for anybody, which was a bit of a surprise. S/he ticked off all the things I had noticed myself (with no prompting from me, mind you), except with an extra helping of bitterness.
So, basically, I was doomed, from the beginning. And, on one hand, the boss has the right to put together the team that s/he thinks will best serve what s/he thinks the needs of the organization are--and if s/he doesn't think I help with that, then of course s/he absolutely positively should get rid of me, and the manner in which that has occurred has been reasonably respectful and . . . I don't know, not traumatic?, as possible, under the circumstances.
The fly in this particular ointment, however, at least in my opinion, is that the very difficulties I've identified point not to weaknesses on my part (which is not to say that I don't have weaknesses), but to weaknesses of the whole approach, the closed-team (with lots of language about how it's an "open" team) approach. The boss and, thus, the team, do not let others in, which means there are whole worlds of information they don't have. That was less of an issue before, when their areas of specialty were also the areas on which their part of the organization focused. Now, though, there's a huge other area, and they do not possess nearly as much knowledge or expertise, but they think they do. So, frankly, either they'll figure it out or they won't, but they'll have to do it without someone who actually knows a fair amount about it, in addition to possessing other potentially useful skills.
Back to the original point, and I do have one: it's been fascinating seeing and hearing people's reaction to this whole thing. The details in the previous four paragraphs are, by and large, unavailable to the vast majority of people--but they nevertheless have sensed them and comment on them. I don't confirm or deny--I stick to the script--but I'm fascinated how much people have picked up without my saying a word or lifting an eyebrow.
But, as Arlo Guthrie once said, that's not what i came here to talk about. (As an aside, I make it a point to listen to the Thanksgiving playing of "Alice's Restaurant" by my local radio station.) What I came here to discuss, and I probably should have put it in a whole separate post, is the Wall of Vegetables in my refrigerator. And on my counter. And in my closet. Seriously.
I have five butternut squash (two others have already been roasted and frozen), an acorn squash, four cabbages, four bags of potatos, several bags of turnips, five pounds of carrots, a fuckton of lettuce (which is going to become soup, I think), celery leaves and parsley, onions, garlic, radishes, two or three bags of spinach, some kale, and . . . more stuff? I know I'm forgetting things. I need to get through as much of it as possible this week. The potatos will keep for awhile, as would some of the other stuff, but it's easy enough to hack up the squash and roast it while I do other things.
The other task of Thursday and Friday is baking, because I'm doing the cookies to accompany the beer samples on Saturday, but that will require a different discussion. And, despite my understandable and nearly complete lack of motivation, not to mention lack of desire to show up early to work, I do have to make an appearance tomorrow.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
New Start(er)
Today's task--which took all of five minutes--was to start a sourdough starter. I've thought about it over the years but never wanted to be bothered. Now, though, with the prospect of time on my hands (and the very belated realization that, once I get it going, it can live in the fridge with weekly feedings and be happy), I figured I might as well. The baking season is about to start in earnest--at least as much because I'm going to have a lot of time to do it as because of the calendar. Plus, I bought a whole lot of flour (despite already having more than just about anyone I know except Brazen Tart), including 10 pounds of whole wheat, 5 pounds of white whole wheat, 25 pounds of all-purpose, and some barley flour and barley flakes. One of the bags of whole wheat split during shipping--I didn't lose much out of the bag, but KAF is sending me another bag anyway, which means I'll have close to 20 pounds of whole wheat flour.
Yeah, I know, probably a bit much.
But why not, I say.
Work sort of continues, oddly enough. My last day isn't for two more weeks, though I'll be off for Thanksgiving and the day after as well as two days the following week, so I only have six more days there. I don't have a whole lot to do, though. There are a couple of tasks I should complete, and I've done one. The person who's taking over a lot of the grant-management stuff picked my brain for a few hours the other day and has since left town, not to return until after I'm gone. S/he seems pretty confident that s/he has what the organization needs to know from me; I'm much less sure. The operations person was out of town all week and says s/he is busy all next week as well, but s/he wants to send an email request for various things from me. Which, whatevs; I'll do what I can. Personally, I'm not convinced they're going to have what they need, but I don't much care.
I've sent out some applications, I've handed the resume to a few people with whom I've worked in the past couple of years, but nothing has bubbled so far, which doesn't really surprise me much. The separation agreement was sent out yesterday in draft form, and it's fine (i'm not even going to detail it here, because of all the prohibitions about disclosure).
The reality is, I'm glad to be going. Part of it is of course wanting to get out of a situation where I know I'm not wanted--there is absolutely no percentage in wanting to prolong that. Another part, though, is relief that I can stop fighting some of the battles in which I've been mired. A number of things have been a continuous struggle. I tend to think that they've been a struggle because of the particular people or systems with whom/which I've been struggling, but of course it's also possible that I'm the reason for the struggle. In my time there, I've taken on some tasks that absolutely had to be done, that weren't being done or weren't being done properly, but haven't had the resources or systems or support from others to really get things working properly. And now? Not my problem. Perhaps someone else can figure it out; perhaps I've really been the obstacle; or perhaps some shit is going to hit the fan--and I can't bring myself to have much of a stake in the answer.
A few people have suggested that I not be completely forthcoming about what I know, but I'm not going along with that suggestion. For one thing, it just goes against my nature. For another, that's a good way for people to blame me later. But finally, I want what happens after I leave to be unrelated to me. They'll likely figure it out--they're smart people, it's not rocket science, and there aren't many things due in the coming months, i.e., they have time to get things in order, which also means that, by the time things are due, I will be long gone and not a likely target for blame.
As for whether I can find another job, I have no idea--I simply cannot predict. My previous experience is all over the damn map, and therefore not necessarily a good clue. And who knows--I could come in second for a dozen jobs, which would be encouraging, in the sense of getting nibbles, but would still mean I'd be unemployed. I could win the lottery. I could end up having to take a job elsewhere. Who fucking knows.
So I'm going to exercise, and bake, and read, and donate some time to the hippy-dippy restaurant, and do some more in the sunroom, and make curtains for the kitchen window, and soon enough, it'll be January. Or February. Or March. If I'm still coming up with projects in March, then I will start to panic a bit, but I see no reason to panic in November about what might or might not happen by March.
Yeah, I know, probably a bit much.
But why not, I say.
Work sort of continues, oddly enough. My last day isn't for two more weeks, though I'll be off for Thanksgiving and the day after as well as two days the following week, so I only have six more days there. I don't have a whole lot to do, though. There are a couple of tasks I should complete, and I've done one. The person who's taking over a lot of the grant-management stuff picked my brain for a few hours the other day and has since left town, not to return until after I'm gone. S/he seems pretty confident that s/he has what the organization needs to know from me; I'm much less sure. The operations person was out of town all week and says s/he is busy all next week as well, but s/he wants to send an email request for various things from me. Which, whatevs; I'll do what I can. Personally, I'm not convinced they're going to have what they need, but I don't much care.
I've sent out some applications, I've handed the resume to a few people with whom I've worked in the past couple of years, but nothing has bubbled so far, which doesn't really surprise me much. The separation agreement was sent out yesterday in draft form, and it's fine (i'm not even going to detail it here, because of all the prohibitions about disclosure).
The reality is, I'm glad to be going. Part of it is of course wanting to get out of a situation where I know I'm not wanted--there is absolutely no percentage in wanting to prolong that. Another part, though, is relief that I can stop fighting some of the battles in which I've been mired. A number of things have been a continuous struggle. I tend to think that they've been a struggle because of the particular people or systems with whom/which I've been struggling, but of course it's also possible that I'm the reason for the struggle. In my time there, I've taken on some tasks that absolutely had to be done, that weren't being done or weren't being done properly, but haven't had the resources or systems or support from others to really get things working properly. And now? Not my problem. Perhaps someone else can figure it out; perhaps I've really been the obstacle; or perhaps some shit is going to hit the fan--and I can't bring myself to have much of a stake in the answer.
A few people have suggested that I not be completely forthcoming about what I know, but I'm not going along with that suggestion. For one thing, it just goes against my nature. For another, that's a good way for people to blame me later. But finally, I want what happens after I leave to be unrelated to me. They'll likely figure it out--they're smart people, it's not rocket science, and there aren't many things due in the coming months, i.e., they have time to get things in order, which also means that, by the time things are due, I will be long gone and not a likely target for blame.
As for whether I can find another job, I have no idea--I simply cannot predict. My previous experience is all over the damn map, and therefore not necessarily a good clue. And who knows--I could come in second for a dozen jobs, which would be encouraging, in the sense of getting nibbles, but would still mean I'd be unemployed. I could win the lottery. I could end up having to take a job elsewhere. Who fucking knows.
So I'm going to exercise, and bake, and read, and donate some time to the hippy-dippy restaurant, and do some more in the sunroom, and make curtains for the kitchen window, and soon enough, it'll be January. Or February. Or March. If I'm still coming up with projects in March, then I will start to panic a bit, but I see no reason to panic in November about what might or might not happen by March.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Brassica Family Fun
Because you know how I love my cruciferous vegetables.
I started off by roasting the beets and slicing and freezing them; the greens became part of dinner.
Then it was on to the kohlrabi. Start with a couple of onions; sliced thin, cooked in a little olive oil and butter until slightly caramelized, then a few cloves of garlic. (I use about 1.5 to 2 tablespoons of fat, and I usually do about half olive oil and half butter. That way I get the flavor of butter but also the benefit of the olive oil.) I added some raspberry honey mustard and a wad of preserved ginger (is there anything that isn't improved by ginger? I didn't think so), and then I added the very thinly sliced kohlrabi (I got out the food processor for that operation, because it's so much faster and doesn't leave me with hunks the way the mandoline does) and a little water. While that cooked for a few minutes, I cored some apples and threw them into the food processor to slice them (skins on). After the apples went in, I washed the leaves from the last batch of kohlrabi and cut that up, too, and added a little salt and pepper. I ended up having to put it into a bigger pot so I could stir it better. When it was done, I ended up draining the juices back into the pot and added another little bit of butter and deglazed the pan, and mixed that back in.
Oh, my, is this concoction tasty. It occured to me that, for a crowd, I could take that mix and layer it with sliced potatos and make a gratin out of it, maybe adding some good cheese at the end. As it is, I'll haul it to work with some cheese and be happy. I would have liked to have some bread with it, but I didn't get around to doing any baking this weekend.
For dinner, onions again, with a lot of different greens: the beet greens, a little chard, some tatsoi greens, and something else--spicy mustard, maybe? That cooked while the whole wheat fusilli cooked, and, at the last minute, I put a tablespoon of heavy cream into the pan and stirred it around. Mascarpone would probably work well, too. Some grated parmesan on top, and, voila, dinner--and two lunches.
I always feel a little virtuous when I use things like beet greens or kohlrabi greens. I shouldn't I know--it's food, and I shouldn't feel virtuous for using food rather than wasting it. But there you have it.
Meanwhile, spending a lot of time in my own head this weekend has allowed some of the anger to start to surface, not surprisingly. I'm trying to acknowledge it and let go of it, because, while understandable, it's not useful in this situation. On one hand, I can see how Boss wants to put together his/her own team (and, seriously, that is the only fucking explanation I can even begin to find); that makes sense. But then why go to the trouble of "wooing" me? Why spend so much time convincing me how wonderful you are, and how wonderful you think I am? Why promote me and give me a big raise and create a job just for me, only to fire me six months later? Did you really think I could magically figure out what you wanted?
It's kind of demented, really.
The challenge is going to be to continue to stick to the script about my leaving and to answer the questions about the things that need to be handed over. So: deep breaths, practiced smiles, and as much good cheer as I can manage.
I started off by roasting the beets and slicing and freezing them; the greens became part of dinner.
Then it was on to the kohlrabi. Start with a couple of onions; sliced thin, cooked in a little olive oil and butter until slightly caramelized, then a few cloves of garlic. (I use about 1.5 to 2 tablespoons of fat, and I usually do about half olive oil and half butter. That way I get the flavor of butter but also the benefit of the olive oil.) I added some raspberry honey mustard and a wad of preserved ginger (is there anything that isn't improved by ginger? I didn't think so), and then I added the very thinly sliced kohlrabi (I got out the food processor for that operation, because it's so much faster and doesn't leave me with hunks the way the mandoline does) and a little water. While that cooked for a few minutes, I cored some apples and threw them into the food processor to slice them (skins on). After the apples went in, I washed the leaves from the last batch of kohlrabi and cut that up, too, and added a little salt and pepper. I ended up having to put it into a bigger pot so I could stir it better. When it was done, I ended up draining the juices back into the pot and added another little bit of butter and deglazed the pan, and mixed that back in.
Oh, my, is this concoction tasty. It occured to me that, for a crowd, I could take that mix and layer it with sliced potatos and make a gratin out of it, maybe adding some good cheese at the end. As it is, I'll haul it to work with some cheese and be happy. I would have liked to have some bread with it, but I didn't get around to doing any baking this weekend.
For dinner, onions again, with a lot of different greens: the beet greens, a little chard, some tatsoi greens, and something else--spicy mustard, maybe? That cooked while the whole wheat fusilli cooked, and, at the last minute, I put a tablespoon of heavy cream into the pan and stirred it around. Mascarpone would probably work well, too. Some grated parmesan on top, and, voila, dinner--and two lunches.
I always feel a little virtuous when I use things like beet greens or kohlrabi greens. I shouldn't I know--it's food, and I shouldn't feel virtuous for using food rather than wasting it. But there you have it.
Meanwhile, spending a lot of time in my own head this weekend has allowed some of the anger to start to surface, not surprisingly. I'm trying to acknowledge it and let go of it, because, while understandable, it's not useful in this situation. On one hand, I can see how Boss wants to put together his/her own team (and, seriously, that is the only fucking explanation I can even begin to find); that makes sense. But then why go to the trouble of "wooing" me? Why spend so much time convincing me how wonderful you are, and how wonderful you think I am? Why promote me and give me a big raise and create a job just for me, only to fire me six months later? Did you really think I could magically figure out what you wanted?
It's kind of demented, really.
The challenge is going to be to continue to stick to the script about my leaving and to answer the questions about the things that need to be handed over. So: deep breaths, practiced smiles, and as much good cheer as I can manage.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Prepare for Change
I keep thinking I'm going to panic eventually, but I haven't so far. I am noticing an uptick in anxiety, but really, that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, me included.
A few days after the last post, I met with the HR Person, which was helpful, and then HRP and Boss and I met this week (I requested that HRP join us, because I thought it would be helpful, and it was). We negotiated the quit date (2 December will be my last day, which means I have health insurance completely paid through December, and will start paying the COBRA in January, when our rates drop significantly because the company is switching insurance companies) and severance and such. Thursday, we (mostly Boss) told the other senior managers, while I was there, and there was major shock on the faces around the room--which was interesting not least because the other people around the table have worked with Boss for at least 10 years, and it seems to have caught them completely by surprise, too. Friday everyone else found out (and I told a few people privately before that announcement), and there was a lot more gnashing of teeth and tears from others than I would have predicted.
The announcements are all being couched in code that everyone will understand. We talk about it being a "mutual" or "joint" decision, but, given that I don't have another job at the moment, it's pretty obvious that it wasn't my first choice. I'm steadfastly not saying that to people, because there's no percentage in it for me to do that, but people aren't stupid, either.
All that aside, I still don't have any better idea why this happened than I did three weeks ago. On one hand, I'm not all that surprised, but, frankly, Boss would have been better off waiting six months. People haven't absorbed enough of what I know to even know all of the questions they should be asking--and while I am continuing to be professional, and I will answer the questions that people ask to the best of my ability, the reality is, a lot of shit is just not my problem any longer.
The best answer I can find is that this is Boss's opportunity: Boss has wanted this job for awhile and had to wait to get it, and now wants to put together his/her own team, which is understandable. I think it's also a mistake--my absence isn't going to wreck the place, and I am by no means irreplaceable, but I provide a set of skills and a body of information and knowledge that no one on his/her team possesses at this point. For example, in several meetings I've attended in the past month, meetings about the future direction the organization will be taking, I have asked questions (e.g., of consultants) that are based on my knowledge and that the other people around the table, including outsiders, clearly hadn't thought about but clearly regarded as important. There isn't anyone left who can ask those questions, and some of them are pretty crucial.
But did I mention that it's not my problem?
That part has been nothing but a joy to me these past weeks. Something comes along that I know is fucked up, and I try to do what I can--via email, if possible, so the record shows I tried to do the right thing--but others want it their way. Really? No problem, then! And when your actions fuck things up six months from now? Oh, wait: Not. My. Problem. And then I let go of it and move on to the next thing. I have the occasional twinge, because I have put so much time, energy, and effort into solving problems, but it's out of my control at this point.
So I'm planning my December. I'm applying to things that look like a good fit, and, now that it's public, I"ll start calling people I know; too soon to tell whether any of that will be successful. I can't look for jobs all the damn time, and, seriously, this is a crappy time of year for job hunting, so I'm going to refocus. The current plan is to reclaim my yoga practice; get regular exercise (possibly even lose some weight); do some general cleanup around the apartment; maybe take care of a few things (e.g., make curtains for the kitchen window); do some baking; read a lot of library books; and do some (volunteer) work for a local hippy-dippy restaurant that probably has less money in the bank than I do. (I have gotten to know the owners, and I offered my services and the offer was joyfully accepted, so that'll be fun, and will get me out of the house and won't threaten my unemployment.) I wouldn't be surprised if this plan carries into January or longer, but it's a pretty good plan, I think.
I'm looking forward to it, if you want to know the truth. If I haven't had a nibble of any kind by February, then perhaps my tune will change, but right now, it sounds like a fine plan to just have some time to sit in the sunroom and read. It also sounds like a fine idea to not have to worry that every thing I say is going to be misunderstood or will get me fired.
Partly in preparation for all of this, and partly because I had a 20%-off email from King Arthur, I bought a bunch of flour and other ingredients this week. Today I also did an inventory of what I have on hand, and, amazingly enough, I managed to not duplicate too much with my order, but I have an unbelievable amount of flour and grain products. Which, hey, for someone who likes to bake and who is about to have a bunch of time on her hands? Not so terrible.
My refrigerator was starting to look like a wall of produce, because, what with losing my job and all, I hadn't had time to get to very much of it. Today I focused on the broccoli (chop; steam the stems, florets, and leaves separately; chill, weigh and package; and freeze) and two of the three butternut squash (cube and roast, then package and freeze). Tomorrow I'll do something with the kohlrabi and beets (with greens), and maybe the (wait for it!) bok choi and turnips. And I need to bake some bread.
That will leave me with onions, garlic, greens of various sorts (spinach, a little chard, and some tatsoi greens), an acorn squash, and lettuce. Oh, and potatos--three bags of potatos, with which I have no idea what I'm going to do--and apples purchased last week, and, um, radishes. Monday I'll get even more lettuce, and more greens and turnips, and cabbage, so I might save the turnips and do them all at once.
I'm trying put up what I can--the freezer is my friend--which means I should be eating a whole lot of lettuce for the next two weeks, because that's the item that won't really keep. (Lettuce. Feh. There just isn't that much you can do with lettuce other than salads, which also means you need other crap--carrots, cheese, dried cranberries, whatever--to make it taste like food.) The farm share includes five more weeks after Monday, so even more produce will be coming my way. But that will have to wait for another post.
A few days after the last post, I met with the HR Person, which was helpful, and then HRP and Boss and I met this week (I requested that HRP join us, because I thought it would be helpful, and it was). We negotiated the quit date (2 December will be my last day, which means I have health insurance completely paid through December, and will start paying the COBRA in January, when our rates drop significantly because the company is switching insurance companies) and severance and such. Thursday, we (mostly Boss) told the other senior managers, while I was there, and there was major shock on the faces around the room--which was interesting not least because the other people around the table have worked with Boss for at least 10 years, and it seems to have caught them completely by surprise, too. Friday everyone else found out (and I told a few people privately before that announcement), and there was a lot more gnashing of teeth and tears from others than I would have predicted.
The announcements are all being couched in code that everyone will understand. We talk about it being a "mutual" or "joint" decision, but, given that I don't have another job at the moment, it's pretty obvious that it wasn't my first choice. I'm steadfastly not saying that to people, because there's no percentage in it for me to do that, but people aren't stupid, either.
All that aside, I still don't have any better idea why this happened than I did three weeks ago. On one hand, I'm not all that surprised, but, frankly, Boss would have been better off waiting six months. People haven't absorbed enough of what I know to even know all of the questions they should be asking--and while I am continuing to be professional, and I will answer the questions that people ask to the best of my ability, the reality is, a lot of shit is just not my problem any longer.
The best answer I can find is that this is Boss's opportunity: Boss has wanted this job for awhile and had to wait to get it, and now wants to put together his/her own team, which is understandable. I think it's also a mistake--my absence isn't going to wreck the place, and I am by no means irreplaceable, but I provide a set of skills and a body of information and knowledge that no one on his/her team possesses at this point. For example, in several meetings I've attended in the past month, meetings about the future direction the organization will be taking, I have asked questions (e.g., of consultants) that are based on my knowledge and that the other people around the table, including outsiders, clearly hadn't thought about but clearly regarded as important. There isn't anyone left who can ask those questions, and some of them are pretty crucial.
But did I mention that it's not my problem?
That part has been nothing but a joy to me these past weeks. Something comes along that I know is fucked up, and I try to do what I can--via email, if possible, so the record shows I tried to do the right thing--but others want it their way. Really? No problem, then! And when your actions fuck things up six months from now? Oh, wait: Not. My. Problem. And then I let go of it and move on to the next thing. I have the occasional twinge, because I have put so much time, energy, and effort into solving problems, but it's out of my control at this point.
So I'm planning my December. I'm applying to things that look like a good fit, and, now that it's public, I"ll start calling people I know; too soon to tell whether any of that will be successful. I can't look for jobs all the damn time, and, seriously, this is a crappy time of year for job hunting, so I'm going to refocus. The current plan is to reclaim my yoga practice; get regular exercise (possibly even lose some weight); do some general cleanup around the apartment; maybe take care of a few things (e.g., make curtains for the kitchen window); do some baking; read a lot of library books; and do some (volunteer) work for a local hippy-dippy restaurant that probably has less money in the bank than I do. (I have gotten to know the owners, and I offered my services and the offer was joyfully accepted, so that'll be fun, and will get me out of the house and won't threaten my unemployment.) I wouldn't be surprised if this plan carries into January or longer, but it's a pretty good plan, I think.
I'm looking forward to it, if you want to know the truth. If I haven't had a nibble of any kind by February, then perhaps my tune will change, but right now, it sounds like a fine plan to just have some time to sit in the sunroom and read. It also sounds like a fine idea to not have to worry that every thing I say is going to be misunderstood or will get me fired.
Partly in preparation for all of this, and partly because I had a 20%-off email from King Arthur, I bought a bunch of flour and other ingredients this week. Today I also did an inventory of what I have on hand, and, amazingly enough, I managed to not duplicate too much with my order, but I have an unbelievable amount of flour and grain products. Which, hey, for someone who likes to bake and who is about to have a bunch of time on her hands? Not so terrible.
My refrigerator was starting to look like a wall of produce, because, what with losing my job and all, I hadn't had time to get to very much of it. Today I focused on the broccoli (chop; steam the stems, florets, and leaves separately; chill, weigh and package; and freeze) and two of the three butternut squash (cube and roast, then package and freeze). Tomorrow I'll do something with the kohlrabi and beets (with greens), and maybe the (wait for it!) bok choi and turnips. And I need to bake some bread.
That will leave me with onions, garlic, greens of various sorts (spinach, a little chard, and some tatsoi greens), an acorn squash, and lettuce. Oh, and potatos--three bags of potatos, with which I have no idea what I'm going to do--and apples purchased last week, and, um, radishes. Monday I'll get even more lettuce, and more greens and turnips, and cabbage, so I might save the turnips and do them all at once.
I'm trying put up what I can--the freezer is my friend--which means I should be eating a whole lot of lettuce for the next two weeks, because that's the item that won't really keep. (Lettuce. Feh. There just isn't that much you can do with lettuce other than salads, which also means you need other crap--carrots, cheese, dried cranberries, whatever--to make it taste like food.) The farm share includes five more weeks after Monday, so even more produce will be coming my way. But that will have to wait for another post.
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