First Light (sort of)*

What a great birthday weekend!

Friday was nothing much, though it was my actual birthday--I was up late Thursday night doing an event for the bakery (gotta love those 15-hour days . . .), so I basically went to bed at 9:30 on Friday. (I should mention that a Cute Boy brought me cherries and blueberries he'd picked--he is, in fact, cute, and in his early 20s, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think he has a little crush on me, old broad though I am.) Into every life a little rain must fall, and mine (this week, anyway) has taken the form of a clogged toilet (again!!) and a post-birthday nastygram from Chuck. Apparently this is a new tradition on his part, and I could live without it. The main points were: (1) I have no right to ask him about the woman he's been seeing since last August (truly, I'm just making conversation, and, since he has (a) called to ask how to cook this or that for her, (b) told me about her and her doings without prompting, and (c) told me about his sex life with her, again without prompting, it didn't occur to me that I couldn't ask questions); (2) he doesn't know how much longer he can continue to let me see his son, because it upsets Chuck too much; he dreamed that I called him and wanted to get back together with him, so I am now responsible for his dreams; and (3) a previous lover--from years ago--was not, in fact, the love of his life; apparently I hold that position, and he still loves me and is hurt and angry and confused about what happened a year ago. Apparently lying to me, taking my money, moving out, and telling me he was falling for someone else, all while not doing any of the things I asked him to do, were not sufficient reasons for me to not want to be married to him any longer. I got this email just before I left work Saturday, so I decided to dismiss it from my mind (as much as possible), and I managed to do that reasonably well. I'm trying to decide whether to answer it, and determine whether I can answer it with the compassion I've set for myself. The jury is still out.

Saturday after work my friend met me at the grocery store with his vehicle, so I bought all kinds of heavy and bulky things; it was very exciting to buy soap AND the huge pack of toilet paper AND bleach AND milk AND cereal AND so on. We went back to my place and unloaded groceries, then I showered and he took me to dinner (about which more in a minute). We'd planned to drink champagne after dinner, but we were both wiped out, so we just went to sleep. Sunday morning we watched the Tour de France coverage then went to crunchy-granola restaurant to hang with our peeps and get some breakfast. I grabbed my crap and we headed to his place, where I got the first pass of the proofreading done and he watered his garden and got in a bike ride. We went to find food, and succeeded. Back at his place, we opened the champagne AND he got out his telescope, because he's promised to do that for me (I've never looked through a telescope) and he was hoping to see a comet. I saw Arcturus and Jupiter (and three of the moons), and it was a lovely night.

Today, I met with my dissertating client, then talked to a cafe/restaurant person about a new job doing their baking. It's a smallish casual restaurant, a very small gourmet grocery store, and a counter with baked goods, candy, etc.--and their bakers have all left and they're looking for someone new. I have to think about it some more, but it sounds like the right move: they've been in business for four years, and the business is growing; they make good products with good ingredients; they're open to me instituting systems and doing some new products; and I'd work (probably) a maximum of 40 hours/week, which would give me time to expand the copyediting/proofreading business. I think I'm going to do it. I'll sleep on it tonight, but I think it's the way to go. I'm going to have to get going in terms of trying to find additional publishers with whom to work, so there will be some lag time there that might freak me out a little bit, but I think I can do it. I also had a wonderful zen shiatsu massage today.

I can't think of a good reason not to do it. The current situation has its good parts, of course--most notably the people, and the satisfaction that comes from making the best croissants in the city--but I'm tired of the crazy, and I'm tired of being underappreciated, and I'm tired of doing only one thing, and I'm really really tired of the long hours and low pay. Another buck or two an hour would be nice, even if reduced hours basically means I'd make less at that job. Still, an extra two or three hours a day for editing--or just living, or practicing yoga, or whatever--would be nice.

As for dinner Saturday, we started by sharing calamari in a spicy balsamic vinegar sauce, with spinach and something else, that was really quite spectacular. He had the special manicotti of the day (several kinds of cheese, roasted chicken, something else?) and I had duck tortellone with spinach, sun-dried tomatos, cheese, fresh tomatos, and a wine/cognac sauce. We shared a great bottle of wine, then with dessert (dessert canneloni with orange mascarpone cheese and fresh fruit) he had a glass of port and I had a glass of dessert wine. We both ended up with lots of leftovers; the place is famous for that. I just had mine a little while ago, as I made my tea for the week.

So I have to sleep on the new job possibility, and find out what they're willing to pay me, and so on, but it could happen.
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*"First light" typically refers to the first time a telescope is used, rather than the first time a person uses a telescope, but whatever.