Like a Rolling Stone

To answer kstyle's question, I don't exactly know how it feels.

I am, of course, a little terrified. i don't have a job. I don't even have any freelance or temp jobs lined up. Yes, I've had several interviews (four, to be precise, with a total of seven people) that I think went pretty well, but no one has intimated that I'm going to be hired or made an offer, so I know better than to count on that in any way, shape, or form. I do have a little money in the bank, and a little more on the way from a few different sources (the last few bakery checks, plus a couple of freelance checks), which is how I planned this escapade. And I've also decided that if I don't get an offer by the time I get back from my visit east--i.e., mid-January--or if they say they're not interested after all, then i start looking for a temp agency immediately. I can simultaneously look for more freelance clients, of course, but getting at least a little income will take off some of the heat and drain the reserves more slowly.

I'm also relieved. The job has been wrecking me physically, in several dimensions. I get no real exercise, I do a lot of repetitive motions, I eat a lot of crap, and I'm on my feet for 9 to 12 hours a day, lugging around 15-pound wads of dough. The place is loud. I'm constantly dinging myself on one thing or another. (I whacked my shin the other day--through my pants mind you--hard enough to draw blood. When I raised my pant leg to see--because it hurt--Bossman said, "80-quart mixing bowl?" and I said, "No, a bucket." Yes, I seriously bruised my shin on a plastic bucket. He, meanwhile, has several new burn scars--baker's tattoos, he calls them.) The job wrecks me in other ways, too, but the real reason I'm quitting is that I never intended to work this hard for someone else. If I can't start my own bakery, then I'm going to do something else for pay (and, for that matter, if I still wanted to start my own bakery, I'm not going to earn enough capital to do that by working for someone else).

So it seems like the right and sensible thing to do, even though, on paper, I shouldn't be quitting one job before I have another one in place. I have also recognized, however, that, if I do end up doing the freelance copyediting and proofreading, I'm never going to have the time to search for, get, and complete those jobs while working at the bakery. That is, to implement that plan, if that's the one I end up implementing, I need to have the time to find those jobs.

But you guys know all of this.

Here's another thing: it's not like I'm giving up, say, health insurance to do this, or bennies like the ones the Tart gets. It turns out that the bakery does not, in fact, have properties in the Cayman Islands at which I can stay at a drastically cheap rate. Even my "vacation" wasn't really two weeks' pay, it was 80 hours of pay. (My brother the mechanic gets vacation pay based on his average weekly check, and, because he's flat rate and he's good, that's a lot more than 40 hours of work per week--which means his vacation pay is higher, too.) My point isn't to complain about the bakery--I can point out ways that Bossman could more easily keep people like me, but that's a different subject. My point is that my pay there is nothing special, and making up that pay, or a portion of it, isn't the same as making up a full-time salary, or even hourly pay with benefits.

Meanwhile, today was an extra grind, because I had to wait for the dairy delivery to get my lamination butter, plus I made up the monkey buns, so I put in another 11.5-hour day. I already have 2.5 hours of overtime this week, which kind of makes my point for me. Tomorrow I'm probably going to be assembling gingerbread house kits--or whatever else someone needs, as I don't need to laminate. The only other thing I need to do this weekend is finish the editing job I THOUGHT I'd finished (a few days early!) last week, except I'm an idiot and forgot to do the short bio, intro, and table of contents. I was going through things last night so I could invoice and realized this; the production editor says she's okay with getting everything Monday first thing, but I still felt kinda dumb. It's a small job--less than $200--so I'll throw in a 10% discount on the invoice. Other than that, though, I need to do laundry, and maybe play with the new computer toys, and . . . not a lot else. There's some talk of seeing Friend on Sunday, but that partly depends on how much alcohol he consumes Saturday night and whether he's up for anything on Sunday. Monday I should do a little holiday shopping, and perhaps actually ship a few things off to their various destinations.

I had a pretty good conversation with Chuck today, too; he seems to be doing well, and I'm glad for that. I find that I still can't watch (or, sometimes, even think of) "Elf." But that's for a different post.

I have decided to visit my family the first week in January, and I've nearly decided to take a train (because I really hate to fly, and that reduces the vacationy aspect of any travel), but I haven't booked anything yet. Today Bossman asked me to stay at the bakery a few extra days, because he's going out of town on the 28th or 29th. It turns out that his real concern seems to be that there be enough croissants in the freezer so his going away doesn't matter, which means I don't necessarily have to be there on a given day, I just need to make sure there are enough laminated dough products in the freezer. I'll double check that tomorrow, and then book the travel. I'm also going to get bro involved such that I can surprise my parents, which will be amusing.

And is wine an adequate dinner? Tonight's survey says yes.