Spare Changes

Yes, people, I did manage to work out again today--and relatively early, too, so I got some editing in and I took myself out to lunch, then did some more editing. Because I rock. Entertaining conversation with Chuck, too: we'd been discussing possibly getting together Saturday evening, with CK, but Chuck had the nagging feeling he was forgetting something.

He's also apparently making big strides psychologically, emotionally, whatever, which is great; he's doing the work he needs to do, and kudos to him for doing it. I think the work that he's been doing has made it clearer to him just how much denial has ruled (and fucked up) his life, and I think he's finding his way through that.

The question that's been rooting around in my brain is whether people change. On some level, I don't think we do--but then the difficult part is to figure out which is the "true" part of someone. Is Chuck fundamentally a liar? Or is Chuck fundamentally a good person, albeit one who has dealt with major crises and traumatic experiences (he's not detailing those, and I'm not asking; i don't want to know, to tell you the truth) by submerging himself in denial, in the form of alcohol and other such things? I think, in Chuck's case, it's the latter, but I believe there are people who are so damaged that there's no real path out--sociopaths of various sorts, for example. And, of course, a lot of grey area in the middle, because the path out isn't an easy one--there's no telling whether Chuck will continue or whether he'll abandon it, but I suspect he'll continue this time. On the other hand, I know people who don't take the path, or who can't find it, or who are too afraid of what they'll find, and, much as their behavior may get on my nerves, I can't bring myself to judge too harshly, because I think there's always some kind of trauma at the root of it--trauma that I haven't come close to experiencing. I think that, when necessary, we need (as a society) to protect other people from the backlash, or the sociopathology, or whatever, but I think that's morally and materially different from condemnation.

Anyway; where was I? Oh--the conversation. So we'd made plans yesterday for Saturday, but Chuck said even then that he might be forgetting something, and, indeed, he was. Sunday is the last cub scout dinner for CK, and Chuck's mom is coming down for it--on Saturday. He offered to see if his mom was willing to have dinner with us on Saturday, but I told him not to do that. I'm sure she would be terribly uncomfortable, and I don't know that the rest of us would enjoy it much, either, so we just decided to pass on it. He already gets shit from his ex-wife-before-me about "letting" CK see me, and I appreciate that he's willing to deal with that shit to keep me in CK's life; dinner with his mom is probably a little much to ask. And, frankly, I don't know that I have much to say to her. I don't bear her any special ill-will (the reclaiming of the diamond notwithstanding), but I don't particularly want to see her, either.

Meanwhile, for a complete change of subject, I got the info on my benefits today; I have an HR orientation on Tuesday, when I have to do things like pick my health care plan and such. It turns out I'm still going to be paying a fair bit for health insurance. The organization offers three plans, two HMOs and a PPO plan, all from the Blues. The HMOs are pretty cheap--<$10/month or <$20/month for a single person--but, and this is a big but, neither my doctors, nor my hospital, nor the doctors' group, takes the HMO plan. They all take the PPO, and that's what I'll choose, but it's gonna cost me $230/month the first year. After the first year, it seems the cost goes down dramatically--to less than $100 a month. There's also a pre-existing conditions waiting period of a year, but there seems to be some fudge language about previous coverage, and I can't tell whether my current health insurance will count in that regard. If not, then I have to both pay more and still have the exclusions for a year. Oh well; until we have a single-payer system, I don't have much choice. Oh wait: that single-payer system is going to eliminate health care choices and make me have to deal with bureaucracy. Unlike now, for example.

And my weird hybrid workingvacation is winding down, obviously. I would have loved another week, or a week that was completely work-free, but, on the other hand, all of the work will help pay for the various fun things I want to do--like the myriad hockey games I'll be attending in March. And? I get paid days off at this job, so I can actually, you know, take days off. and still get paid. Which will totally not suck.